Some – BITTER – Some Happy…one thing is for sure…
It’s not easy being single in this culture.
· “Real LIFE” begins – Marriage
· “Pretty girl not married.”
· “Nice boy like yourself not married.”
· Beyonce’– All my single ladies!
· LEAVES YOU ASKING: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”
Let me answer that for you: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
Your I.D. is not in your relationship status!
· I.D. – cannot be IN someone else
· I.D. – never designed to be in a flawed human being
· Your Identity is in Christ
· You are beautiful, you are valuable, and you are secure!
· Embrace/Enjoy/Live it up!
Life’s a Journey – I believe God wants us to ENJOY every phase we are in.
· Not eager to get to the next
· Content – to be satisfied (satisfactory)
· Philippians 4:11-13 – “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
· There is LIFE outside of marriage.
· Marriage is a gift, but so is singleness.
· You have gifts – to be used.
· You can still be powerful and change people’s lives
· He only saved the entire world from hell. He was single.
· Paul wrote almost the entire new testament, he advanced the kingdom of God. He only healed the sick, performed miracles, cast demons out in Jesus name, stood before kings and rulers…YET he was single.
Trevor and I – pre-dating counseling…told to read…
Book: Fit to be TIED (Bill & Lynette Hybels)
Myths of Marriage
1) Cure for loneliness
· Married LONELY PEOPLE
· Relational Intimacy
- Level 1 – friend, marriage partner, family (most of us are aware of the need for
- Level 2 – authentic, growing relationship w. God (most of us try to get this from
a relationship that was never designed to give us this.)
· Loneliness – needing more of JESUS
2) Marriage will heal my brokenness
· False Expectations
· Suffocate your spouse
· Exhaust – keep you FIXED
· Jesus is our Healer
3) Marriage will bring happiness
· Marriage CAN be beautiful
· It is HARD
· 1 sinner + 1 sinner + 2 BIG SINNERS(HOT MESSES)
4) Being Married will satisfy my sexual desires
· True – Can have sex
· False – It will NOT satisfy ALL your sexual fantasies
· Fantasies – Unbridled passionate sex, for hours, days, weeks at a time. Ex: 50 shades of gray!
· WE need a realistic and appropriate perspective on sex in marriage.
· Men – Women need emotional intimacy
· Woman – Will not understand your EMOTIONAL needs….you are to fulfill his physical needs.
· 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 – Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
· True sexual intimacy comes when you have emotionally, mentally, and physically given yourself to someone.
Some of you are called to be single
· I believe Paul speaks to this…
· 1 Corinthians 7:7 –“But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.”
· Everyone – grace to do what God called them to do.
· WE SUPPORT YOU!
· WE stand behind what God called you to do!
For those of you who know you are supposed to be married…some advice (MY PERSONAL ADVICE)
· FFC began PREMARRIED CLASS (10 years ago)
· Since – LESS THAN 3%
· COUNSEL Woman
· Marriage – the MOST important choice you will make
1) Jesus should be your everything (now and forever)
· Cultivate your relationship with GOD
· Friend – I don’t give husband cards “you are my everything”
· IT’s ATTRACTIVE
2) Think Clearly
· Beware of blockage
· Excitement of love supersedes our ability to THINK clearly
3) Take Your Time
· Take it slow…
· “I’m getting older….I want children.”
· You don’t want to raise children in a jacked up home with an unstable marriage.
· A bad marriage will age you more than anything J
· WATCH THE PERSON (flirt, look at women, on time, come to church,etc)
4) Ask ridiculous Questions/Find out everything!
· ASK: Biblical views, political views, moral views
· Christian – doesn’t equal agree on things
· Family background – YOU ARE A PRODUCT OF YOUR FAMILY
· Future plans – not just children
5) Ask Others/Listen to others
· Take “prospect” around family/ Keep relationship INFRONT of friends
· DO NOT DITCH YOUR FRENDS OR YOUR FAMILY – you will need them
· Story: 2 women I was close to – talked to me about this guy I was interested in.
6) HEED Warning Signs
· HABIT: asking divorced people “Did you know about their problem before you got married.”
· 9 out of 10 times…they did….change after marriage.
· Ask yourself: Do I like that he/she…
· No job/pay for them
· He talks down to me
· She tries to control me
· I don’t have an opinion
· I feel not listened to
· GOOD chance – Get worse
Ruth and Boaz (read book of Ruth)
· Ruth lost her husband, decided to live her life with her mother in law
· Until BOAZ came around….
· BOAZ – a kind man, an influential man, a wealthy man = A HUSBAND
· Settle – for his COUSINS
· SLIDE: Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az or Married-az and especially his third cousin Beatinyour-az.
· Don’t settle – Wait for your BOAZ!
· These are EXTREME – MAYBE but…
· Counseling – broken, hurt, lonely, families destroyed.
· As you read the word – it builds faith
· Study the Word/Knowledge = faith
· Faith comes by hearing, hearing, hearing
LIKEWISE…Building Knowledge of your “potential partner”
· Faith to stand in times of trouble comes when you
· STUDY your potential spouse
· Wait/Take time to get to know them
· Trouble comes – you will KNOW you have the right person
· Ex: ME and Trevor
· Matthew 7:24-27 – “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
· The ultimate foundation is Christ.
· He is the beginning and the end…He is faithful.
· He is consistent
· He is our everything.
· Today – you might not even know what I’m talking about, but you want something different.
· You have been trying everything – nothing has satisfied you.
· Today is your day – allow Christ to be your everything
· Recommitment people
· Next Step class – call up pastor chris